When I was a little girl, I often would daydream about having a family someday. Who my husband would be, how many kids we would have, if they would be boys, girls, or both... what we would name them. I think all little girls do this, it's just a part of being a girl and having that maternal instinct! I often would think of all the things I wanted to do as a family. Go to church, go for picnics, bike rides together and the vacations we would take as a family.
When Joe and I got married I knew it would be a while before I was ready to welcome our fist little one into our family. I was, after all, only 19 years old! I wanted to be able to focus on our relationship, and building a strong family foundation before we began the crazy journey of parenthood. Before I was a mom, life was all about us! What we wanted to buy, where we wanted to go, what we wanted to do. As time went on, the thought of having kids seemed in the future, but it always seemed like it was the distant future! I was enjoying life, just "us"!
Joe and I were married for 6 years and 3 months (almost to the day) when we found out we were going to have our first baby! My initial response was fear. I was terrified of the unknown. Would I be a good mom, would he or she be healthy, Would Joe and I still be able to have date nights and spend time together just us, could we afford a baby... could I stay at home. Hundreds of thoughts bounced back and fourth in my mind, for months. Eventually I warmed up to the idea of having our own little person, and by the time she was born I was beyond excited to welcome Miss Kennedy Elizabeth into our home!
Becoming a mom for the first time was, as it would be with anyone, a learning experience! I had a lot to learn- all at once! The first few weeks she was here took some getting used to. I struggled with some baby blues, so it wasn't until she was about a month old that I felt that bond with her that everyone else said they felt the first time they held their baby. Don't get me wrong, I loved her, and thought she was the most beautiful perfect gift from God, but I just didn't feel like she was mine. (I guess she really isn't mine, she's God's, and he was just gracious enough to let Joe and I borrow her and love her for a while!)
These last 2 years and 3 months with Kennedy have been amazing! Sometimes I can hardly remember life before her. She brings so much life, laughter, love and joy into our lives- God knew what he was doing! (doesn't He always!) I love being a mama! And especially love being a mama to a little girl! I often daydream about things we'll do when she is a little bigger... Go see girly movies together, get pedicures, go shopping... I pray that God guides us to raise her to love and respect herself as she grows up. To know that she is very special and I pray that no one ever makes her feel otherwise.
We had been planning on when we would try for our second one for about a year, Last January- as planned, we found out that we were expecting again! Joe and I were so excited that once again we were going to be blessed with another baby of our very own! Joe very much wanted and prayed for a boy.. while I so wanted him to have a boy too, for me, another girl would be equally exciting! In April we found out that we would in fact be welcoming a boy into our family! Joe was beyond excited and me.. well I was a little nervous at first. "What am I going to do I do with a boy?!?!" I often thought. The thought of having one of each thrilled me.. but after all- all I know is girl stuff!
So here we are.. about 8 weeks and 2 days (or less) from meeting our little boy! We are thrilled with the opportunity that God has given us, to parent one of each. I can't wait to watch both our kids grow up, see their different interests and personalities. Although I am sure having a boy will be quite different than having a girl, I'm excited to raise a Godly man who will be a great husband and father like his dad!
Our life has sure changed in the last couple of years! Both Joe and I want the best for our kids, without overly spoiling them. And now, life isn't all about the two of us, but the five of us (with God being at the head of the family) We base our decisions on what would be best for us.. all of us! I think about both of my kids and my husband everyday. I only want what is best for them.. what will make them happy and safe. They are all my family, that God has trusted in my care. And I don't take that lightly. I'm now living the life I always dreamed of... it may not be a perfect life, but it is a very blessed life!
No comments:
Post a Comment