Being a Mama...

When I was a little girl, I often would daydream about having a family someday.  Who my husband would be, how many kids we would have, if they would be boys, girls, or both... what we would name them.  I think all little girls do this, it's just a part of being a girl and having that maternal instinct!  I often would think of all the things I wanted to do as a family.  Go to church, go for picnics, bike rides together and the vacations we would take as a family. 

When Joe and I got married I knew it would be a while before I was ready to welcome our fist little one into our family.  I was, after all, only 19 years old!  I wanted to be able to focus on our relationship, and building a strong family foundation before we began the crazy journey of parenthood.  Before I was a mom, life was all about us!  What we wanted to buy, where we wanted to go, what we wanted to do.  As time went on, the thought of having kids seemed in the future, but it always seemed like it was the distant future!  I was enjoying life, just "us"!

Joe and I were married for 6 years and 3 months (almost to the day) when we found out we were going to have our first baby!  My initial response was fear.  I was terrified of the unknown.  Would I be a good mom, would he or she be healthy, Would Joe and I still be able to have date nights and spend time together just us, could we afford a baby... could I stay at home.  Hundreds of thoughts bounced back and fourth in my mind, for months.  Eventually I warmed up to the idea of having our own little person, and by the time she was born I was beyond excited to welcome Miss Kennedy Elizabeth into our home!

Becoming a mom for the first time was, as it would be with anyone, a learning experience!  I had a lot to learn- all at once!  The first few weeks she was here took some getting used to.  I struggled with some baby blues, so it wasn't until she was about a month old that I felt that bond with her that everyone else said they felt the first time they held their baby.  Don't get me wrong, I loved her, and thought she was the most beautiful perfect gift from God, but I just didn't feel like she was mine.  (I guess she really isn't mine, she's God's, and he was just gracious enough to let Joe and I borrow her and love her for a while!)

These last 2 years and 3 months with Kennedy have been amazing!  Sometimes I can hardly remember life before her.  She brings so much life, laughter, love and joy into our lives- God knew what he was doing!  (doesn't He always!)  I love being a mama!  And especially love being a mama to a little girl!  I often daydream about things we'll do when she is a little bigger... Go see girly movies together, get pedicures, go shopping...  I pray that God guides us to raise her to love and respect herself as she grows up.  To know that she is very special and I pray that no one ever makes her feel otherwise.

We had been planning on when we would try for our second one for about a year, Last January- as planned, we found out that we were expecting again!  Joe and I were so excited that once again we were going to be blessed with another baby of our very own!  Joe very much wanted and prayed for a boy.. while I so wanted him to have a boy too, for me, another girl would be equally exciting!  In April we found out that we would in fact be welcoming a boy into our family!  Joe was beyond excited and me.. well I was a little nervous at first.  "What am I going to do I do with a boy?!?!"  I often thought.  The thought of having one of each thrilled me.. but after all- all I know is girl stuff! 

So here we are.. about 8 weeks and 2 days (or less) from meeting our little boy!  We are thrilled with the opportunity that God has given us, to parent one of each.  I can't wait to watch both our kids grow up, see their different interests and personalities.  Although I am sure having a boy will be quite different than having a girl, I'm excited to raise a Godly man who will be a great husband and father like his dad!

Our life has sure changed in the last couple of years!  Both Joe and I want the best for our kids, without overly spoiling them.  And now, life isn't all about the two of us, but the five of us (with God being at the head of the family) We base our decisions on what would be best for us.. all of us!  I think about both of my kids and my husband everyday.  I only want what is best for them.. what will make them happy and safe.  They are all my family, that God has trusted in my care.  And I don't take that lightly.  I'm now living the life I always dreamed of... it may not be a perfect life, but it is a very blessed life! 

F.A.M.I.L.Y.

 

Family is a word we are all familiar with.  When someone says the word “family”, I am sure most of us picture the most valued and loved ones in our life.  When I hear the word family, I immediately think of my awesome husband and our beautiful daughter (and our handsome little man who is currently still baking!)

God has blessed me more than I deserve, there is no doubt!  I was a 16 year old high school student the first time I ever saw my husband.  We worked together so running in to each other in the break room or in the back of the store wasn’t unusual.  We worked together for some time and talked a few times before we started dating.  It wasn’t long before I new that he was probably going to be the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  Being, at that time, a 17 year old high school student, that should have terrified me!  It didn’t.  I always felt at peace about that.  I guess I just felt blessed to have met that “one” person so young, and I was so sure of it.  I knew this was the person God had planned for me.  We dated for almost 2 years when we got married.

Our wedding day was amazing!  Our pastor had us write each other a letter a few days before the wedding.  We had to give the letters to our pastor in a sealed envelope, and about 15 minutes before I was to walk down the aisle toward him he gave us our letters from one another.  What a great idea that was!  I still go back and read our letters to each other, what we thought our lives would be like and how excited we both were to be married.  That is one of my most favorite memories about that day! 

Then, life happened.  We had jobs, bought a house, sold a house moved out of state, moved apartments, moved out of state again, worked full time jobs, bought a new house and then finally started planning for the future and a family of our own.  When we moved to Springfield we had been married for almost 5 years.. and what a BUSY 5 years that was!  We were living life and loving it!  We were in Springfield for a couple of years before our daughter was born, the day our lives changed forever!  After 7 years of marriage and 9 years of being together… we finally had our family that we always talked about! 

Since then life has still been busy but in a very, very good way!  My super hard working husband works full time, has been remodeling our house for the last 4 months, goes to school full time and is the best daddy to our daughter!  I am incredibly blessed to work 2 jobs from home that I love, while raising our daughter and running our household.  (Although sometimes I feel like our household runs me!)  We get up early to start our day and stay up late to finish projects.  We are living the life that God has so graciously blessed us with and we are loving it!  We still plan for the future and our family… it’s just now some of the unknowns aren’t such a guess anymore.  Instead of dreaming of when we will have kids, if they will be boys or girls, how many we should have and what will we name then……  we now make plans on when to take our kids to Disney World, family vacations in a pop up camper we hope to buy, and our next house we hope to build.  I pray that God never allows me to take for granted what he has given me.  And what he has given me is a family that makes this game of life a lot more fun to play! 

The Box

Every one always wants to put Christians in a box.  From the outside looking in people have this idea of what a Christian is and the way they should act.  That we should all fit in this tiny little perfect box.  That once we are saved we are transformed into this perfect person with all the answers and no faults. Christians, like anyone else, are humans.  Christians make mistakes.  We were all born the same.  Perfect little babies that have never sinned, never made anyone angry, never messed up.  As we get older we make choices.  God gave us the ability to make choices.  Some choices are good.  These are the ones we talk about to our family and peers.  Other choices are bad.  Ones that we try to cover up or pretend they never happened.  That is the funny thing about choices... good or bad... they are all a part of what shaped us to be who we are. 

I made a choice when I was 19 to follow Jesus.  This wasn't the first time I had asked Jesus into my heart.  I remember reciting that prayer many times through my childhood, but this time was different.  I really meant it.  To me, being a Christian meant that I was embarking on a journey that would lead to an authentic relationship with my creator.  To me it meant that I was forgiven.  That God and I had an "open-door" policy, which I still utilize daily.  Whenever I needed, I could come to him, confess my sins and be forgiven.  I have never felt more unworthy of a more beautiful gift.  However I believe that others have a job description of a Christian and as soon as you don't fulfill all of the duties they rip the label of Christian off and replace it with a hypocrite label.  Being a Christian never means you are perfect.  There was only one prefect person that ever existed, and he was a homeless carpenter that lived over 2000 years ago and was crucified on a cross in front of all his friends and family. 

Why must we put these expectations on each other?  Expectations that none of us can actually live up to?  Or, is it that Christians are to easy on themselves?  Looking at God's open door policy more like a revolving door?  I know I'll never be like Jesus.  He was an amazing person that lived 33 short years and left more of a legacy than I'll leave in 100 long years.  But I do know that I will love God until the day I die.  I will, everyday, do my best to be a good daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend that I can.  I will fail.  I will make mistakes.  I will learn from them, ask for forgiveness, brush myself off and keep going.  I'll never be perfect, but I will always be a Christian.